Thursday, February 19, 2009

Some Funnies

~Police Story~
Lady calls up police department: Officer, there is a man exposing himself in the next building.
Dispatcher: OK, we'll be right over, lady.
(Five minutes later at her apartment.)
Officer: Which way, lady?
Lady: This way officer, he's still shamelessly baring himself.
Officer: Where is he, lady? I don't see no naked man.
Lady: Oh, you have to look through this telescope.

~Secrets for a Happy Life in Men!~
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
4. It is important that these three women never meet

~A Marine~
A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a
letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had
slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up
with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back. So the Marine did
what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and
collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then
mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his
girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and
send the rest back."

Now..this is a real Marine

~Techno Geek~
Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techno-geek.

"Hey, bud, how are ya?"

"I'm good. Congratulation, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"

"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!

"No way, how could that be?"

"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works.If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex too!"

"Holy shit! You're kidding right?"

No, she's something huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"

So, his friend takes her into the rest room and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaaaaa!Heeeeelp" Oooooooh! Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeaaaaarggghhhh!"

The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil sharpener!"

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