Thursday, December 8, 2011

Hot tempered barber

The barber got hot tempered specially when the boy started to laugh.. Enjoy it.

Parking the car

Joe and Joan were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said.

"You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."

Joe said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.

The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared.

You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Joe replied, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.

Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and the power went out and Joe didn't get the rest of the instructions.

He turned to Joan, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Joan?"

Joan replied, "Aw, Joe, just leave the car in the darned garage today."

Thursday, November 24, 2011

6 Important Life Lessons that knock some senses into our head

Lesson 1: Naked Wife
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…
“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 3
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.


Lesson 5: Power of Charisma
A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.


Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep sh*t, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

make love

Man : Pak, betul ke make love tu best?
Bapak: Haah, samalah best macam kamu korek hidung kamu!
Man: Tapi betul ke orang perempuan lagi rasa best?
Bapak: Kalau kamu korek hidung, hidung kamu ke jari kamu yang rasa best?
Man: Tapi kenapa orang perempuan tak suka diperkosa?
Bapak: Kalau kamu jalan2, tetiba ada org nak korek hidung kamu...kamu suka tak??
Man: Betul ke tak boleh buat tu masa datang bulan?
Bapak: Kalau hidung kamu berdarah, kamu nak korek jugak ke?!
Man: wahh.. bapak ni pandailah!

Friday, October 28, 2011

Hair Whorls

While researching about multiple hair sworls i came across forum how some moms discussing about their kids double or multiple cowlicks, here are some of their comments :-

My niece has 2 whorls. She is clever and naughty.

My son got 3 hair whorl..... very stubborn

I know 2 whorls means "naughty". According to tales.

I have heard that the more whorls you have, the smarter you are. The kid must be pretty smart.

lastly,
More whorl.. more worry to me...
To avoid doing homework last year, my kid inform his homeroom teacher that when he is a bb , i accidently drop him and knock his head, thats why he is very slow and his head got problem ......
The year before.... during exam... he submit a blank answer sheet, just written that "I deserve to fail since i din't study" - the kid is very smart indeed! hahaha

Friday, October 14, 2011

Inner peace

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives. Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished so I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptins, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pisss. An telum,u blody luvum.!!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Interesting and true Facts

1. Here are some interesting, but true facts, that you may or may not have known.
2. The Statue of Liberty's index finger is eight feet long
3. Rain has never been recorded in some parts of the Atacama Desert in Chile
4. A 75 year old person will have slept about 23 years.
5. A Boeing 747's wing span is longer than the Wright brother's first flight. the Wright brother's invented the airplane)
6.There are as many chickens on earth as there are humans.
7. One type of hummingbird weighs less than a penny
8. The word "set " has the most number of definitions in the English language;192
9. Slugs have four noses
10.Sharks can live up to 100 years
11.Mosquitoes are more attracted to the color blue than any other color.
12.Kangaroos can't walk backwards
13.About 75 acres of pizza are eaten in in the U.S. Everyday
14.The largest recorded snowflake was 15in wide and 8in thick. It fell in Montana in 1887
15.The tip of a bullwhip moves so fast that the sound it makes is actually a tiny sonic boom.
16.Former president Bill Clinton only sent 2 emails in his entire 8 year presidency
17.Koalas and humans are the only animals that have finger prints
18.There are 200,000,000 insects for every one human
19.It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery had in it to begin with.
20.The world's largest Montessori school is in India, with 26,312 students in 2002
21.Octopus have three hearts
22.If you ate too many carrots, you'd turn orange
23.The average person spends two weeks waiting for a traffic light to change.
24.1 in 2,000,000,000 people will live to be 116 or old
25.The body has 2-3 million sweat glands
26.Sperm whales have the biggest brains; 20 lbs
27.Tiger shark embryos fight each other in their mother's womb. The survivor is born.
28.Most cats are left pawed
29. 250 people have fallen off the Leaning Tower of Pisa
30.A Blue whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant
31.You use 14 muscles to smile and 43 to frown. Keep Smiling!
32.Bamboo can grow up to 3 ft in 24 hours
33.An eyeball weighs about 1 ounce
34. Bone is five times stronger than steel.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Just had a mammogram

A 40ish woman is home, NAKED, happily jumping on her bed & squealing with delight. Husband watches & asks "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed & says, "I don't care what you think. I just had a mammogram, & the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year old." The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year-old a**?" "Your name never came up," she replied

Money or grammar ?

A crusty old man walks into a bank & says, "I wanna open a f***ing saving account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated here."

She goes to the bank manager to complain.

The manager agrees such foul language can't be accepted.

They both return to the window and ask the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

Old man: "There is no f***ing problem, I just won $200 million bucks in the f***ing lottery & I want to put my f***ing money in this f***ing bank."

Manager: "I see, and is this b*tch giving you a f***ing hard time sir?"


Moral of the story:

When money talks, nobody checks the Grammar!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Blessings to you



If you woke up this morning
with more health than illness,
you are more blessed than the
million who won't survive the week.


If you have never experienced
the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment,
the agony of torture or
the pangs of starvation,
you are ahead of 20 million people
around the world.


If you attend a church meeting
without fear of harassment,
arrest, torture, or death,
you are more blessed than almost
three billion people in the world.


If you have food in your refrigerator,
clothes on your back, a roof over
your head and a place to sleep,
you are richer than 75% of this world.


If you have money in the bank,
in your wallet, and spare change
in a dish someplace, you are among
the top 8% of the world's wealthy.


If your parents are still married and alive,
you are very rare,
especially in the United States.


If you hold up your head with a smile
on your face and are truly thankful,
you are blessed because the majority can,
but most do not.


If you can hold someone's hand, hug them
or even touch them on the shoulder,
you are blessed because you can
offer God's healing touch.


If you can read this message,
you are more blessed than over
two billion people in the world
that cannot read anything at all.


You are so blessed in ways
you may never even know.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Management Course in 6 Short Lessons



Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I"ll give you $800 to drop that towel."

After thinking that she has a chance earning $800 within a minute, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, aftera few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel andgoes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
Do not share any critical information unless you understand the need of opposite person. It may or may not help him but surely won"t help you.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, rememberPsalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I"ll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I wantto be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She"s gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Puff! He"s gone.

"OK, you"re up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager smiles and say, "I want those two back in the office after the lunch-time."

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,"Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.



Lesson 5:

A Turkey was chatting with a Bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree" sighed the Turkey, "but I haven"t got the energy." "Well, why don"t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the Bull. They"re packed with nutrients."

The Turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave her enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, she reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the Turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree..

She was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot her out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won"t help you stay there for long.

Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and she fell to the ground into a large field.

While she was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on her.

As the frozen bird laid there in the pile of cow dung, she began to realize how warm it was.

The dung was actually thawing her out!

She lays there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat hears the bird singing and comes to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug her out and ate her.

Morals of the story:
[1] Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
[2] Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
[3] And when you"re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Filipino Humor - Something to Make You Smile

Filipinos are certainly getting into mainstream America and into the world. With an estimated 4 million Filipino-American population (as of 2007), Filipinos are an emerging group in a diverse society in the United States.

Filipino talents like Manny Pacquiao, Charice Pempengco, Arnel Pineda, Lea Salonga, and Monique Lhuiller are doing a great job pitching in!

David Letterman, apparently used Filipino-Americans in one of his skits.

Here’s the recap:


Top 10 Reasons Why There Couldn’t Be a Filipino-American US President

By David Letterman

10. The White House is not big enough for in-laws and extended relatives.

9. There are not enough parking spaces at the White House for 2 Honda Civics,
2 Toyota Land Cruisers, 3 Toyota Corollas, a Mercedes Benz, a BMW , and
an MPV (My Pinoy Van).

8. Dignitaries generally are intimidated by eating with their fingers at State dinners.

7. There are too many dining rooms in the White House – where will they put
the picture of the Last Supper?

6. The White House walls are not big enough to hold a pair of giant wooden
spoon and fork.

5. Secret Service staff won’t respond to “psst… psst” or “hoy.hoyhoy!”

4. Secret Service staff will not be comfortable driving the presidential car with a Holy Rosary hanging on the rear view mirror, or the statue of the Santo Nino on the dashboard.

3. No budget allocation to purchase a Karaoke music-machine for every room in the White House.

2. State dinners do not allow “Take Home”.

AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY THERE COULDN’T BE A FILIPINO-AMERICAN U.S. PRESIDENT IS…

1. Air Force One does not allow overweight Balikbayan boxes!


_
By: Dave Walter

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Danger of Energy Saving Bulbs

Energy Saving Bulbs have been in existence for a long time now. As the name indicates, these bulbs are more effective as compared to an ordinary bulb in terms of power consumption. Most of us are currently using these bulbs in order to save on electricity consumption and ultimately the electricity bill.


(image taken from google)


Energy Saving Bulbs come in different shapes on the market with different ratings in terms of Voltage or Watts and they definitely save our pocket especially that, we are buying electricity in our respective houses.

Some Health and Safety issues on these Low – Energy Light Bulbs

However, these type of bulbs, if broken, causes serious danger.

If one breaks, everybody will have to leave the room for at least 15 minutes, because it contains Mercury(poisonous) which causes migraine, disorientation, imbalances and different other health problems, when inhaled.
It causes many people with allergies, severe skin conditions and other diseases just by touching this substance or inhaling it.
Do NOT clean the debris of the broken bulb with a vacuum cleaner, because it would spread the contamination to other rooms in the house when using vacuum cleaner again. It must be cleaned up with a normal broom or brush, be kept in a sealed bag and disposed of right away from the house in a bin for hazardous materials.

Warning : Mercury is dangerous, more poisonous than lead or arsenic.

Below is the advice on what to do if a Low – energy bulb breaks be it at home or areas where these bulbs can be found :

1. Evacuate the room, taking care not to step on the shards of glass lettering the floor.
2. Do not use vaccum cleaner to clear up the mess as the machines sucking action could spread toxic mercury droplets around the house.
3. Put on rubber gloves and sweep the debris onto the dustpan.
4. Place the remains in a plastic bad and seal it
5. Do not put the plastic in a normal household bin.
6. Instead, place it in a municipal recyling bin for batteries which also contain mercury or take it to a council dump where it can be disposed of safely. As LMC Residents, we can make use of separate Black Refuse Plastic Bags with emphasis on advise number 5 above.
7. Try not to inhale duct from the broken bulb.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Lemon a day keeps Cancer away

Just cut 2-3 thin slices of lemon in a cup/container and add drinking water which will become "alkaline water". Drink it for the whole day, just by adding drinking water.

The surprising benefits of lemon!
I remain perplexed!


Lemon (Citrus) is a miraculous product to kill cancer cells. It is 10,000 times stronger than chemotherapy.

Why do we not know about that? Because there are laboratories interested in making a synthetic version that will bring them huge profits. You can now help a friend in need by letting him/her know that lemon juice is beneficial in preventing the disease. Its taste is pleasant and it does not produce the horrific effects of chemotherapy.
How many people will die while this closely guarded secret is kept, so as not to jeopardize the beneficial multimillionaires large corporations? As you know, the lemon tree is known for its varieties of lemons and limes. You can eat the fruit in different ways: you can eat the pulp, juice press, prepare drinks, sorbets, pastries, etc...
It is credited with many virtues, but the most interesting is the effect it produces on cysts and tumors. This plant is a proven remedy against cancers of all types. Some say it is very useful in all variants of cancer. It is considered also as an anti microbial spectrum against bacterial infections and fungi, effective against internal parasites and worms, it regulates blood pressure which is too high and an antidepressant, combats stress and nervous disorders.
The source of this information is fascinating: it comes from one of the largest drug manufacturers in the world, says that after more than 20 laboratory tests since 1970, the extracts revealed that: It destroys the malignant cells in 12 cancers including colon, breast, prostate, lung and pancreas ...
The compounds of this tree showed 10,000 times better than the product Adriamycin, a drug normally used chemotherapeutic in the world, slowing the growth of cancer cells.
And what is even more astonishing: this type of therapy with lemon extract only destroys malignant cancer cells and it does not affect healthy cells.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Heaven or Hell..

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained,
"Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law! I'll lose my licence!
They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Gym Scene

I'm at the gym the other day and I hear this from an older man,not in the best physical condition, who asked the trainer:

..."I want to impress that beautiful girl over there. Which machine should I use?"
The trainer replied: "Use the ATM machine outside the gym."

British English vs. Malaysian English

Who says our English is teruk? Just read below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No stock.


RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who call?


ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me.


WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No need lah.


WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing at the door) Can ah?


WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: No need shy shy one lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?


WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want lah.



IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad ah?


WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!


WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU..
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?


WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment..
Malaysians: Die lah!!



WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: What happened ah? Why like that one lah?


WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you.
Malaysians: Like that also don't know how to do!


WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?
Malaysians: Celaka you!

Beware of this scam

This story is very long BUT it is worthwhile reading it. This lady detailed out the scam and we should be thankful to her for sharing. So that you know...!

The same incident happened to someone husband a month ago. You could be the next victim so be alert!!


Same incident happen two months ago in KK, the same person called my colleague.


Just would like to share with you on what my sister has gone through for the past 2 days. For us who worked in the Bank, we know some info quoted or provided by these idiots do not make sense but for layman, they don't know !! Just be alert and careful and it may happen to anyone !!


THIS IS THE STORY
On 4/4/11 around 1pm, I received a call from this number +0060322662222. This person mentioned that he was calling from Bukit Aman Commercial Crime Dept - Asp Foo Wei Min. First, he verified my name and ID, then he asked whether I know these 2 persons or not :

1. Lan Hong Heng &
2. Yap Chun Hong

I told him I didn't know these two persons. Then he told me that these 2 persons were caught by Hong Kong (HK) police, and they told HK police that they know me by indicating that they have a copy of my IC & bank passbook. Then Asp Foo asked me whether I have a Citibank A/c at Hong Kong, or visited Hong Kong in Dec 2010. I told him I don't have any account with Citibank Hong Kong and I didn't go to Hong Kong so how could I open an A/c with Citibank HK. He then asked me whether I applied anything at shopping complex or given a copy of my IC to anyone or colleague. I told him I have applied a credit card at shopping complex 10 years ago. He has scolded me and said "Who ask you to apply at shopping complex? Don't you read newspaper as police ask us not to apply anything at shopping complex. We should walk-in to the bank to apply for a loan or credit card."

He has then given the Hong Kong 's police (Inspector Lau Kok Keong) and phone number (0085265292148) to me and insisted that I must call this person to tell this person what I have told him and answered any question from this HK's Inspector. Also, he mentioned that if I refuse to do so, HK police can freeze all my bank accounts in Malaysia and these accounts may be frozen for 3 months or upto 3 years for investigation purposes. Thereafter, he gave me his handphone number 016-9155171 and told me I can contact him after having called the HK police or need any further assistance from him. In addition, he informed me he has checked with Immigration department and confirmed that I didn't go to Hong Kong in Dec 2010 and will fax all these info/documents to HK to support my case. (During the whole conversation, Asp Foo Wei Min spoke to me in malay)

Immediately after the phone call ended, I told my boss & colleague on what Asp Foo had told me. They have advised me to make a police report before any action being taken.

I walked-in to Salak South Balai Polis to make a police report. I have told them the whole conversation that I had with Asp Foo. The police from Salak South station had call Bukit Aman to check whether there is a person by the name of Asp Foo Wei Min. Bukit Aman confirmed that there is such a person working at Bukit Aman. The Salak South's police has then contacted Asp Foo by calling the handphone number that he has provided to me earlier. He has then spoken to me in mandarin and asked me not to worry too much and wanted me to contact HK Inspector first. Also, he said I can call him for any assistance if required. The Salak South's police has also advised me to follow Asp Foo's instruction.

When I gone back to office and have the permission from my boss, I used the office phone to contact the HK's Inspector. When the line connected, he said he will call me back in 5 minutes. He called me back and asked whether I know these 2 persons i.e. Lan Hong Heng and Yap Chun Hong. I told him I don't know them. The HK's Inspector told me they caught these 2 persons at the bank and on the spot they recovered 28 bank passbooks, 1 of the passbook is under my name. That's the reason why they have contacted Malaysia police for assistance. Then he asked me to give him info on my bank accounts, mutual funds, any combine name accounts and fixed deposits details to him as he will need to match these info with Bank Negara Malaysia to ensure the info I have given to him are correct. He asked me whether the banks in Malaysia closed at 4pm, and at that time its around 3.45pm, then he told me he will call me back tomorrow as he might be able to get the document around 10am tomorrow. Before he ended the call, he told me not to reveal this info to anyone as it will make thing worst and they wanted to keep this as P&C so that they can catch the person behind this case. (Conversation with this Inspection was in mandarin)

On 5/4/11, the HK's Inspection called me around 9.15am, he told me he has obtained the document from Bank Negara Malaysia and the info almost match except 1 item. He claimed that I have missed out 1 bank account info, he kept asking whether I have missed out any bank account, I told him I didn't miss out any account. Then, he told me I have 1 more account with OCBC, he asked me why I didn't tell him about the OCBC account. He claimed I have transferred RM180,000 from the OCBC account on 13/1/11 at 10.45am. I have a shocked and told him I didn't have any account with OCBC. He told me since I didn't cooperate with him, he will have to apply and fax a letter to Bank Negara Malaysia to freeze all my accounts for further investigation and these accounts will be frozen for 3 months or upto 3 years for investigation purposes. I told him this will be very inconvenience for me. He has then told me to call Asp Foo for immediate assistance, preferably before 10am. Otherwise, he will have to fax the letter to Bank Negara Malaysia to freeze my accounts. Then it will be very difficult to do anything.

After having ended the conversation with HK's Inspector, I called Asp Foo directly and told him what Inspector Lau Kok Keong had said i.e. he will fax a letter to Bank Negara Malaysia to freeze all my accounts in Malaysia . He said it will be very inconvenient for me and told me he might be able to help by assisting me to apply to Bank Negara Malaysia to open a SPECIAL account. He told me only they can help me to open this Special Account but he need to ask permission from his head of department and the head of department will call me in a short period of time. Just about 2 minutes, a person called and claiming that he is the head of Asp Foo. His name is Leong Kai Ming and contact number is 016-3423138. He spoke to me in mandarin. He explained to me on how this Special Account function and only they can help to apply and open this Special Account from Bank Negara Malaysia before Hong Kong police freeze all my accounts. He asked me whether I would like to open this Special Account or let Hong Kong police to freeze all my accounts. He then kept on asking me to transfer all money from my bank accounts and fixed deposit to this Special Account. In addition, he wanted me to sell all mutual funds and credit the proceed into this account as well. By doing this, HK police will not be able to freeze my account and I can get back all my money. Also, he told me they will act as a guarantor for me while applying for this Special Account from Bank Negara Malaysia .

Also, he is very angry with me as I have make a police report at Salak South Balai Polis. He told me he can charge me on the Laws as they are different from other police depts and other police cannot disturb their work. It menas I have make a "kesalahan mengusikkan kerja mereka". He told me they were now gave me 10 minutes to decide whether I need their assistance to open the Special Account.

I was so confused and called Bukit Aman at 22662222. I asked the pegawai who has answered the call to check whether there is such a person by the name of Asp Foo Wei Min working at Bukit Aman. He told me why Asp Foo again. Someone has called to check yesterday and today is me. The pegawai told me no such person and asked me just ignore that call as its a scam.

Then I went to Salak South Balai Polis again and told the police there that I called Bukit Aman this morning and they told me no such Asp Foo working at Bukit Aman. I wanted them to explain to me why they told me they called and confirmed Asp Foo is working at Bukit Aman yesterday. They can't explain to me.

Since I was there, I told them my conversation with Asp Foo and Leong Kai Min where they have asked me to open a Special Account. When the police heard of this, they immediately told me this is a scam as police will never ask rakyat to open Special Account, especially via phone. The police from Salak South station tried to call Asp Foo again but he didn't pick up the call for 2 times. He then called the Salak South Balai Polis and the police there asked him whether he is Asp Foo. He said "Yes". The police then asked him to provide his Police ID and he said his ID is G15177 and he ended the conversation after he has provided the ID. The police in Salak South station has then checked the record and confirmed that Asp Foo Wei Min is one of the police working at Bukit Aman.

I have then asked one of my friend to check and verify. He confirmed that Asp Foo Wei Min is really one of the police working at Bukit Aman but he is not in Malaysia right now as he has gone to overseas study. I have ceased all my actions and called anyone after hearing this news. However, they do call me via 0322662222 for 2 times but I ignored their calls.

Then my boss also told me his 2 friends have gone through the same experience as me, these people will keep on calling you and saying this and that, their ultimate objective is wanted you to follow their instruction to open Special Account and transfer all your money to this account!!!!!!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Howard

Howard

An Arkansas Farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy about 12 opened the door.

"Is yer paw home?" the farmer asked.
"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well, said the farmer, is yer maw here?"
"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with paw."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"He went with maw and paw."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely.
"I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one.
Or maybe I could take a message fer paw."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer paw. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard."

Show him your badge

A DEA (Drug Enforcement Administration) officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pant's pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish . . . on any land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull. With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer and it seemed likely that he would be gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified..

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs. . .


"Your badge.. Show him your BADGE!"

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

A Drug Traffickers Water Bottle

WATCH OUT !!!! ESPECIALLY OUR CHILDREN and ALSO SOME BLURRED OLD FOLKS !!!!!

FOR THOSE WHO TRAVEL A LOT

NEVER BE KIND SUCH AS HELPING TO HOLD OR CARRY FOR SOMEBODY'S WATER BOTTLES ! IT COULD BE A DRUG TRAFFICKER'S BOTTLE. SEE THIS SHORT VIDEO HOW DRUG IS SMUGGLED VIA THIS WATER BOTTLE !


Friday, April 29, 2011

FBI Agent and Pizza

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite.

The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.

Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 3 cases of soda.

Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.

Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.

Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?

Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.

Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You'll have to go around to the back service entrance to deliver the pizzas.

Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents there?

Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?

Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?

Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.

Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?

Agent: We've collected a pool of cash.

Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?

Agent: Yes.

Pizza Man: With guns?

Agent: That's right. Now, can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.

Pizza Man: No f#@&in' way.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Dinner Date

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady,how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Michael?"

Michael: "Just a minute, I have to go pee."

Teacher: "That would be rude and impolite!!!

Teacher: "What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

Teacher: "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?"

Johnny: "I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope you'll get to meet after supper. "

The teacher fainted!!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Tatatatata - twin boy having a conversation

I don't know how many times i've been watching this! they are so awesome!
Part 1

Part 2

Malaysia snatch thieves on bike broke car window

PLEASE BE CAREFULL!

DON’T EVER PUT YOUR HANDBAG OR VALUABLES ON THE PASSENGER SEAT.
See how fast the robbers take to break the window and grab the bag.
Just a few seconds !!!

Monday, March 14, 2011

12 facts about the world's languages

1. The longest alphabet in the world - Cambodian. In its 1974 letter.

2. One time sign ampersend (k) was the letter of the alphabet.

3. Language Taki, common in some parts of French Guinea, consists of only 340 words.

4. Benjamin Franklin in the XVIII century. Found in the English language more than 200 synonyms of the word drunk - drunk.

5. Papua New Guinea speak about 700 languages - that's about 15% of all world languages.

6. The United Nations has six official languages: English, French, Arabic, Chinese, Russian and Spanish.

7. Dialect of Chinese "Mandarin" - the most used language in the world: it is spoken by more than
885 million people. In second place - Spanish (332 million), the third - English (322 million).
Russian on the list is the seventh largest (170 million).

8. On the African continent more than 1000 different languages.

9. In the Chinese writing more than 40 000 characters. Hieroglyph difficulty, trouble that is portrayed same pair of characters as the word "woman".

10. Priests, lawyers and doctors use in their everyday life an average of 15,000 words.
Skilled workers - thousands of 5-7 words, and farmers - in 1600.

11. The word virus is translated from Latin means poison, and an anthology - a bouquet of flowers.

12. The vast majority of the world's languages the word mother begins with the letter M.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Reasons while never visit a rich friend

Once while visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached and.....

Question : "What would you like to have..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea,
Chocolate, Capuccino, Frapuccino,or Coffee?"

Answer: " Tea please"

Question : " Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea,Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Iced tea or green tea ?"

Answer : "Ceylon tea "

Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?

Answer: "white"

Question: "Milk, or fresh cream?

Answer: "With milk "

Question: "Goat's milk, or cow's milk"

Answer: "With cow's milk please.

Question: " Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?"

Answer: " Um, I'll just take it black. "

Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"

Answer: "With sugar"

Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar?"

Answer: "Cane sugar "

Question:" White, brown or yellow sugar?"

Answer: "Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead."

Question: "Mineral water, tap water or distilled water? "

Answer: "Mineral water"

Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"

Answer: "I think I'll just die of thirst

Thursday, February 17, 2011

An engineer and a programmer

A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.

The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.

The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"

This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.

The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.

Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"

The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers--all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Lie Detector Robot

A man returns from work with a lie detector robot. His 12 year old son comes home 3 hours late from school:

- Where’ve you been all this time? asks the father. – I was in the library doing homework!

The robot homes in on the son and slaps him… The father explains:

- my son, this robot is a lie detector! You’d better tell the truth… – Ok, I was at a mate’s and we were watching a film: the 10 commandments.

And whack! Another slap:

- Ow! Actually, it was an erotic film… – I’m ashamed of you! At your age, I never lied to my parents!

And whack! The robot gives the father a slap… the mother laughs and says:

He’s definitely your son!

And whack! And mom gets a slap…

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The minister and parishioner

A young minister and an elderly parishoner were playing golf. The minister's game was off and the old man was beating him badly.

At the end of the game, the old man tried to console his minister by saying, "don't worry, Reverend. One of these days you'll be burying me."

"Yes," said the minister, "but even then, it will be your hole!"


Sick

A boy walks into the school nurse's office.
Nurse: Why are you here?
Boy: I’m sick
Nurse: sick of what?
Boy: The teacher


Friday, January 14, 2011

A Job at the zoo

A father of six children had been out of work for six months. In desperation, he was reading through the want ads in the paper and came across an ad for someone to work at the zoo. The man called the zoo and asked if he could have the job, but was told that he would need to come in for an interview.

The next day he went to the interview, but before beginning, he was told by his potential employer that he would need to raise his hand to the square and promise that the proceedings of the interview would be kept confidential, whether he got the job or not. The man reluctantly took the oath, then asked what this job and oath were all about.

The zoo owner asked the man what he thought the zoo's main attraction was. Without hesitation the man replied, 'Everyone knows that. It's the big ape!'

'Well,' said the zoo owner, 'this is the part you cannot divulge, because we would lose our business. The big ape died, and we need to keep it a secret by putting the ape skin on someone who can imitate the ape--at least until the new ape arrives in three months.' 'That's me!' said the man. 'I can do that! I was a gymnast in high school and college.' The zoo owner then challenged the man to audition by acting like an ape. The man assumed crouched position and began running, jumping, and swinging around the room, imitating the actions and sounds of an ape. 'Wow! You're really good!' said the owner, and immediately gave the man the job.

The next day the man, dressed as the ape, went into the cage and was an instant hit. Everyone heard how the ape was preforming and came to the zoo to see him. The crowds got bigger and bigger as time went by, and the front page of the paper proclaimed, 'The ape has gone ape!'

About two months before the new ape was to arrive, the man had about five hundred people in front of his cage, and he was waxing eloquent. He was flipping and jumping and swinging everywhere, when all of a sudden, at the top of a swing, his rope broke and threw him into the lion's cage. He rolled a few times, coming to rest against the bars, and turned to find himself across the cage from the king of beasts, who lay across the cage with his head down on one paw. He knew right way that he was in trouble, so he began screaming like an ape and running back and forth along the bars in hopes that someone would rescue him from this situation. No one moved. As he looked again, the lion began to move slowly and stalk him. The lion then growled, curled his upper lip over his teeth, and assumed a position to leap. Just at this moment, the man decided that his family was more important to him than his promise to the owner of the zoo. He looked up and started screaming, 'Help! Help! I'm not really an ape, I'm a man. Get me out of here!' The lion looked at him and said in a loud whisper, 'Hush up, you fool! You'll get us both fired!'

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Malaysian Jokes

pure jokes, no pun intended! Cheers~

The Old Imam
An old kampung imam had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects;
1. The Holy Quran.
2. A fifty ringgit note.
3. A bottle of whiskey.
4. And a Playboy magazine.
'I'll just hide behind the door," the old imam said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up."
"If it's the holy book, he's going to be an Imam like me, and what a blessing that would be!"
"If he picks up the fifty ringgit note, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too."
"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and God, what a shame that would be."
"And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room..

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Holy Book and placed it under his arm. He picked up the fifty ringgit note and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold.

"God have mercy," the old imam disgustedly whispered. "He's going to be an Umno Policitian!"

Going to Heaven
One day a chinese, malay, and indian guy died and went to heaven. The guardian of heavens gates said that heaven was overpopulated and he can only let a person in if they are truly and purely holy.To determined whether they are holy enuf or not they had to climb the "100 stairs of dirty jokes" where at every step an angel will appear and tell them a dirty joke,if they can climb the stairs without laughing at any of the jokes they would be able to enter heaven.

So the malay guy started first.... on the 3rd step he laughed and *BOOM* was sent to hell.
The indian guy went next and...... on the 40th step he laugh so loud he craped his pants *BOOM* he was sent to hell!
Finally it was the Chinese guys turn....he climbed climbed and climbed without laughing at any of the jokes and amazingly he made it to the 99th step!! 1 more to go and he would make it to heaven.
BUT as he was going to climb the final step he laughed out loud and *BOOM* was send to hell!

The Malay and indian guy in hell was confused and ask him why did he laugh since he was so close to getting into heaven..
The chinese guy said :"i finally understood the first joke"

Festive Season
When Hari Raya comes close to Chinese New Year, they call it 'Kongsi Raya'
When Hari Raya comes close to Deepavali, they call it 'Deeparaya'
When Chinese New Year comes close to Deepavali, they call it 'Kongsi Gelap'

World Cup
Q : Why can't the Indians qualify for the World Cup?
A: Every time they get a corner,they set up a mamak stall.

Pencil Art - Video