Thursday, January 6, 2011

Malaysian Jokes

pure jokes, no pun intended! Cheers~

The Old Imam
An old kampung imam had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects;
1. The Holy Quran.
2. A fifty ringgit note.
3. A bottle of whiskey.
4. And a Playboy magazine.
'I'll just hide behind the door," the old imam said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up."
"If it's the holy book, he's going to be an Imam like me, and what a blessing that would be!"
"If he picks up the fifty ringgit note, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too."
"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and God, what a shame that would be."
"And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room..

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Holy Book and placed it under his arm. He picked up the fifty ringgit note and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold.

"God have mercy," the old imam disgustedly whispered. "He's going to be an Umno Policitian!"

Going to Heaven
One day a chinese, malay, and indian guy died and went to heaven. The guardian of heavens gates said that heaven was overpopulated and he can only let a person in if they are truly and purely holy.To determined whether they are holy enuf or not they had to climb the "100 stairs of dirty jokes" where at every step an angel will appear and tell them a dirty joke,if they can climb the stairs without laughing at any of the jokes they would be able to enter heaven.

So the malay guy started first.... on the 3rd step he laughed and *BOOM* was sent to hell.
The indian guy went next and...... on the 40th step he laugh so loud he craped his pants *BOOM* he was sent to hell!
Finally it was the Chinese guys turn....he climbed climbed and climbed without laughing at any of the jokes and amazingly he made it to the 99th step!! 1 more to go and he would make it to heaven.
BUT as he was going to climb the final step he laughed out loud and *BOOM* was send to hell!

The Malay and indian guy in hell was confused and ask him why did he laugh since he was so close to getting into heaven..
The chinese guy said :"i finally understood the first joke"

Festive Season
When Hari Raya comes close to Chinese New Year, they call it 'Kongsi Raya'
When Hari Raya comes close to Deepavali, they call it 'Deeparaya'
When Chinese New Year comes close to Deepavali, they call it 'Kongsi Gelap'

World Cup
Q : Why can't the Indians qualify for the World Cup?
A: Every time they get a corner,they set up a mamak stall.

No comments: