Friday, May 29, 2009

Genie - Ten Times

A recently divorced woman was walking along the beach contemplating how badly treated she had been over the settlement, when she saw a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubbed the lamp, and out popped a genie!

The genie sensed her anger and allowed her to vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informed her that he would give her three wishes. But he cautioned her that because he does not believe in divorce, he would give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.

The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie granted her wish and she found herself sitting on a pile of one billion one-dollar bills.

The genie then reminded her that her husband was now the surprised recipient of ten billion dollars. The woman could barely contain her anger when she made her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, exactly as she had imagined her dream home, in every tiny detail. But the genie reminded her again that her ex-husband now owned ten of what she had wished for, and pointed out across the bay to a small development of ten such mansions.

Upon seeing this, the woman took her time to consider her final wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman said she had made up her mind. But, before she could say anything, the genie again warned her that her ex-husband would get ten times whatever she wished for. "No problem," said the woman, smiling at last. "For my final wish, I'd like to give birth to twins."

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Excuse for a Speeding Ticket

If you are really really old  maybe you could try this...hehe

Did you hear about the 83 year old woman who talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going?
Makes perfectly good sense to me.....

Apuana Beer Commercial

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Eat Less Red Meat

Daily Red Meat Raises Chances Of Dying Early
Study Is First Large Analysis Of Link With Overall Health

By Rob Stein
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, March 24, 2009; A01

Eating red meat increases the chances of dying prematurely, according to the first large study to examine whether regularly eating beef or pork increases mortality.

The study of more than 500,000 middle-aged and elderly Americans found that those who consumed about four ounces of red meat a day (the equivalent of about a small hamburger) were more than 30 percent more likely to die during the 10 years they were followed, mostly from heart disease and cancer. Sausage, cold cuts and other processed meats also increased the risk.

Previous research had found a link between red meat and an increased risk of heart disease and cancer, particularly colorectal cancer, but the new study is the first large examination of the relationship between eating meat and overall risk of death, and is by far the most detailed.

"The bottom line is we found an association between red meat and processed meat and an increased risk of mortality," said Rashmi Sinha of the National Cancer Institute, who led the study published yesterday in the Archives of Internal Medicine.

In contrast, routine consumption of fish, chicken, turkey and other poultry decreased the risk of death by a small amount.

"The uniqueness of this study is its size and length of follow-up," said Barry M. Popkin, a professor of global nutrition at the University of North Carolina, who wrote an editorial accompanying the study. "This is a slam-dunk to say that, 'Yes, indeed, if people want to be healthy and live longer, consume less red and processed meat.' "

There are many explanations for how red meat might be unhealthy: Cooking red meat generates cancer-causing compounds; red meat is also high in saturated fat, which has been associated with breast and colorectal cancer; and meat is high in iron, also believed to promote cancer. People who eat red meat are more likely to have high blood pressure and cholesterol, which increases the risk of heart disease. Processed meats contain substances known as nitrosamines, which have been linked to cancer.

Although pork is often promoted as "white meat," it is believed to increase the risk of cancer because of its iron content, Sinha said.

Regardless of the mechanism, the research provides new evidence that people should follow long-standing recommendations to minimize consumption of red meat, several experts said.

"The take-home message is pretty clear," said Walter Willett, a nutrition expert at the Harvard School of Public Health. "It would be better to shift from red meat to white meat such as chicken and fish, which if anything is associated with lower mortality."

The American Meat Institute, a trade group, dismissed the findings, however, saying they were based on unreliable self-reporting by the study participants.

"Meat products are part of a healthy, balanced diet, and studies show they actually provide a sense of satisfaction and fullness that can help with weight control. Proper body weight contributes to good health overall," James H. Hodges, the group's executive vice president, said in a written statement.

For the study, researchers analyzed data from 545,653 predominantly white volunteers, ages 50 to 71, participating in the National Institutes of Health-AARP Diet and Health Study. In 1995, the subjects filled out detailed questionnaires about their diets, including meat consumption. Over the next 10 years, 47,976 men and 23,276 women died.

After accounting for other variables that might confound the findings, such as smoking and physical activity, the researchers found that those who ate the most red meat -- about a quarter-pound a day -- were more likely to die of any reason, and from heart disease and cancer in particular, than those who ate the least -- the equivalent of a couple of slices of ham a day.

Among women, those who ate the most red meat were 36 percent more likely to die for any reason, 20 percent more likely to die of cancer and 50 percent more likely to die of heart disease. Men who ate the most meat were 31 percent more likely to die for any reason, 22 percent more likely to die of cancer and 27 percent more likely to die of heart disease.

In contrast, those who consumed the most white meat were about 8 percent less likely to die during the study period than those who ate the least, the researchers found. Poultry contains more unsaturated fat, which improves cholesterol levels, and fish contains omega-3 fatty acids, which are believed to help reduce the risk of heart disease.

The risk also rose among those who consumed the most processed meat, which included any kind of sausage, cold cuts or hot dogs. Women who consumed the most processed meat (about an ounce a day) were about 25 percent more likely to die overall, about 11 percent more likely to die of cancer and about 38 percent more likely to die from heart disease, compared to those who ate the least. The men who ate the most processed meat were 16 percent more likely to die for any reason, about 12 percent more likely to die of cancer and about 9 percent more likely to die of heart disease.

Experts stressed that the findings do not mean that people need to eliminate red meat from their diet, but instead should avoid eating it every day.

"You can be very healthy being a vegetarian, but you can be very healthy being a non-vegetarian if you keep your red-meat intake low," Willett said. "If you are eating meat twice a day and can cut back to once a day there's a big benefit. If you cut back to two or three times a week there's even more benefit. If you eliminate it entirely, there's a little more benefit, but the big benefit is getting away from everyday red-meat consumption."

In addition to the health benefits, a major reduction in the eating of red meat would probably have a host of other benefits to society, Popkin said: reducing water shortages and pollution, cutting energy consumption, and tamping down greenhouse gas emissions -- all of which are associated with large-scale livestock production.

"There's a big interplay between the global increase in animal food intake and the effects on climate change," he said. "If we cut by a few ounces a day our red-meat intake, we would have big impact on emissions and environmental degradation."

View all comments that have been posted about this article.

Friendship Quotes







Tuesday, May 26, 2009

VW

A guy asks an LA girl out on a date after meeting her in a bar. She says,
"What kind of car do you drive?"
He replies " A VW Bug."
She scornfully says, "That's awfully small!" and he replies,
"Don't worry, I'm not going to screw you with the car."

Bicycles

Industrial designer Jason Battersby (Jason Battersby) from Canada does not like boring, and bicycles are not only designed but also made two bicycles to your taste. Two bikes here affectionately christened Tequila Sunrise (orange) and Eye Candy (green).













Monday, May 25, 2009

VIOLATION TICKET

Things were really getting hot and they were not paying any
attention to what was going on outside. All of a sudden a
policeman is tapping on their window. The cop could hardly
contain himself. "Didn't you know that you are not supposed
to be having sex in public?" he asked the couple. Being
embarrassed they said yes, and apologized.

"Well," he said, "I will have to write you a ticket." So the
cop wrote the ticket and reminded them next time to watch
their behavior.

After getting dressed the girlfriend asked her boyfriend what
the cop wrote the ticket for.

He looked at the ticket and read, "Doing 69 in a 35 mph speed
zone!"

Friday, May 22, 2009

Looking Good

While her husband was lying down, his wife removed his glasses. "You know, honey," she said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."


"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"

What to do If stopped by Malaysian Police ((Malaysia Only))

This is is very useful information. Please pass it on to your friends and family.............especially the women folk!

The next time you are stopped by persons who claimed they are plain clothes police, you are under no obligation to answer their questions or follow their orders, lawyers said today.

'Policeman who is not wearing his uniform does not have the authority to stop anyone,' lawyer and human rights activist Sivarasa Rasiah said.

Procedures to follow in the event you are stopped by uniformed police Officers while driving:

1. Stop the car and wind down your window.
2.. If the police officers ask for your documents, request to see their IDs first.
3. If you are satisfied about their identity, ask them if you are being summoned, and for what offence.
4. Produce your identity card and driver's license and wait to collect your summon ticket.

In the event that the police officers ask you to follow them to the police station:

1. Ask if you are under arrest and for what offence.
2. If you are not under arrest, you have the right to leave.

In the event you are flagged down by persons you believe could be plain clothes police:

1. Do not stop because plain clothes police officers do not have the authority to stop you.
2. Drive to the nearest police station and lodge a report. (The same procedure applies to pedestrians)

In the event the police come to your house:

1. Do not let them in before checking their IDs.
2. If you are not satisfied, phone the nearest police station and confirm if they had been sent to your house.
3. You are under no obligation to allow them into the house if they don't have a search warrant.
4. Do not go with them if you are not under arrest.

In the event persons who claimed to be plain clothes police come to your house:

1. Do not let him in because they do not have the authority to do so.
2. Lodge a report at the nearest police station.


Sivarasa was commenting on the alleged gang-rape of an 18-year-old Uni student by four men claiming to be police officers on New Year's Eve. The girl said that her car was stopped in Taman Tun Dr Ismail in Kuala Lumpur and were asked by the men to open the car bonnet. She was then told that she had committed an offence and ordered to follow the men to a police station. The girl was driven in her car along the North-South expressway to the Tapah-Cameron Highlands road before she was raped in an oil palm estate.

This incident, and many others, have sparked confusion over the procedures which motorists must follow when flagged down by the police. The most common problem is that most people take instructions without determining if the other person is really a cop,' lawyer Annie Santiago said.

However, if you are stopped by a uniformed policeman, then you are required to stop. But you need not get out of the car because you are not expected to do so, Santiago said. The other rule to follow is to provide your identity card only when you are asked to do so. 'Even then, you should get his ID first to confirm if he is a cop. There is no harm in calling the relevant police station to verify if he is supposed to be on duty that day,' Sivarasa said.

Both lawyers said that motorists should never follow an officer to the police station unless one is under arrest . 'If you are not sure, and your instincts tell you that something is wrong, then drive off to the nearest police station and lodge a report,' Sivarasa said.

In response to the alleged gang-rape of the 18-year-old, Women's Aid Organisation executive-secretary Ivy Josiah called on the police to launch an education program to teach the public about their rights to prevent them from being victimised by bogus police officers.


PLEASE PASS IT ON..........

PLEASE PASS IT ON...........

PLEASE PASS IT ON............

Dangers of Portable Gas Stoves

The gas stove we use for steamboat? It can be so dangerous -- might blow up in your face. don't take it for granted anymore.
It was Kaori’s last day with her family in Vancouver , Canada before going back to Japan . And like many Japanese celebrations this one involved food… lots of food.
Yakiniku it was - so out came the meat and veggies and we fired up the portable gas stove that we see used in many restaurants and households in Korean and Japanese influenced parts of the world.
Just as we had done hundreds of times before for yakiniku, sukiyaki, shyabu shyabu or nabe parties - we all gathered around and cooked our food on the gas stove which was placed in the center of the table. The marinated meat and tons of little side dishes, Kimchi (spicy pickled cabbage), Chapchae (stir fried noodles) and Namul (seasoned spinach), that we bought from the local Korean market were delicious.
After cooking for a while the house started to get a little smokey so we opened the windows. The cool breeze felt great and the smoke quickly cleared.
We were just about to wrap things up. The kids had already eaten and they were playing with their Transformers on the other side of the room. The adults were grilling the last of the meat, drinking a couple beers and chit chatting… and that’s when it happened.
A flash of orange followed by a deafening bang! The butane canister inside to the portable gas stove had exploded. One side of the table… the side where Kaori, her mom and sister were sitting, was engulfed in flames. Before they could react a monstrous fireball of burning gas wrapped around them and tumbled towards the ceiling and out the window. After the initial explosion, the gas from the canister which covered the girls was still burning. They were on fire. We were all in shock… then came the panic and screaming…then crying. The smell of burnt skin and hair was overwhelming.
Kaori’s father Sako made sure the kids were OK… then we got wet towels to cool the burns. We called 911 and, after what seemed like an eternity, the ambulance and fire trucks arrived. The three girls were rushed to the hospital and treated for severe burns.
Below are photographs taken of Kaori shortly after the incident.


As you can see her entire body was charred. I can’t even imagine how much pain she went through both physically and emotionally.


One side of her face was burned but her eyes weren’t - luckily she still has full vision.

This pictures was taken before the skin peeled. She has severe scars on both of her hands and back. Going to the beach and sunbathing is no longer an option. If she goes in the sun for even a short period of time she must wear the strongest protection, SPF-85 sunblock. Her skin is scarred badly and any sunlight will just make the scarring worse.
The flames wrapped around her body and burned her back and shoulders. She was wearing a tank top at the time of the accident so that didn’t help. Can you imagine what it was like to take a shower after being burned like this? Looking at these pictures brings back horrible memories.


Here’s a picture of the actual portable gas stove that exploded. The insurance company determined that the stove was faulty - the gas canister was too close to the flame causing it to become hot and explode. Both the manufacturer of the stove and the Canadian distributor, which were both based in Korea , are nowhere to be found.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Superb Ad




Medical Advancement

A British doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can
take a kidney out of one man, put it in another man, and have him looking
for work in six weeks."

A German doctor says, "That's nothing . We can take a lung out of one
person, put it in another man,and have him looking for work in four weeks."

A Russian doctor says, "In my country, medicine is so advanced we take half
a heart out of one person, put it in another man,and have both of them
looking for work in two weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind us.
We just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House,
and now half the country is looking for work.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Migraine Cure

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines too, and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.

"Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY nice house."

Life before the computer

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Table of Excuses

To save time for this department and yourself, please give your excuse by number. The list below covers most situations.

1. That's the way we've always done it.

2. I didn't know you were in a hurry for it

3. That's not in my department.

4. No one told me to go ahead.

5. I'm waiting for an OK.

6. How did I know this was different?

7. That is his job, not mine.

8. Wait till the boss comes back and ask him.

9. I forgot.

10. I didn't think it was very important.

11. I'm so busy, that I just can't get around to it.

12. I thought I told you!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Hearing Loss

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things."

"Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about fifteen feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply, move about five feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness."

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about fifteen feet from his wife in the kitchen, as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response.

He moves about five feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply.

He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

Words so Deep...





Friday, May 15, 2009

Seven Ways to Identify a Liar

The seven ways to sniff out if your partner is true to you

Washington, Oct 10 (ANI): Not sure if your partner is true to you? Well, then here are a few signs that may help sniff out whether he/she is lying or not.


Here are seven ways to identify a liar, reports FoxNews.

1.
Consider the person's recall: Liars never forget what they have to say but they may stumble when telling a tale by making contradicting statements. They're also eager to change the subject.

2.
Observe the person's overall body language: Liars can look ill at ease, fiddling with their hair, stroking their throat, or rubbing their eyes. With their body often turned away from you, you may notice hand or leg fidgeting. Liars also have trouble swallowing and may shake their heads after a point has been made. When the subject finally gets changed, they appear happier and more comfortable, maybe laughing nervously.

3.
Take notice of any defensiveness: Liars will often take offence to any indication that they're under suspicion. They're likely to throw any accusations you throw at them back at you. They will also talk too much, feeling the need to over-explain themselves.



4.
Home in on facial expressions: Liars fail to control their micro-expressions. While fibbing, you may notice nervous twitching. Their hand may be covering or touching their face. People also tend to touch the mouth when feeling guilty or anxious. They're particularly good with fake smiles.

5.
Don't overlook the Pinocchio reaction: When a human tells a lie, extra blood gets pumped through the body and the nose swells by a fraction of millimeter. Liars may subsequently touch the tip of their nose unconsciously.

6.
Concentrate on the eyes: A liar has a troubled brow and downcast or darting eyes. They have trouble directly engaging your gaze. They also give you eye-accessing clues. If the person is telling you the truth, he'll look up and to the left since that's the side of the brain we use for recalling information. If she's lying, she'll look up and to the right, which is the creative side of the brain, because she's mentally constructing something that hasn't happened.



7.
Note the person's voice: The higher the stakes are, the more the liar has a fear of getting caught. With this, the liar has a harder time controlling his body language or her voice. The pitch or rate of the speech may change, with the individual giving a lot of "umms" and "ahhs." Often, a liar will appear stilted and monotone. Answers may seem rehearsed. (ANI)

I Wanna Watch

Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he
noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.
"Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked.
"Nope," Jimmy replied.
"Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked.
"Nope."
"You didn't steal it, did you?"
"No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the
other night when they 'doing the nasty'. Dad gave me his
watch to get rid of me.
Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and
extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get
one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents'
room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.
Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the
bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked
him angrily; "What do you want now?"
"I wanna watch," Johnny replied.
Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in
the corner and keep quiet, then."

PEPPERONI PIZZA

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he
hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's
any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells
him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they
deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he
goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.

The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably.
He asks the delivery man, "What the Heck did you put on this pizza?"

The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you
odered, pepper only."

hehehe

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Life Quotes










I want a divorce…

A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60 mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce.”

The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.

He then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”



Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.

“I want the house,” he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.

He says, “I want the car, too,” but she just drives faster and faster.

By now she’s up to ninety mph. “All right,” he says, “I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too.”



The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.

This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, “Isn’t there anything you want?”

The wife says, “No, I’ve got everything I need.”

“Oh, really,” he says, “so what have you got?”

Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, “The airbag.”