Thursday, December 18, 2014

Top 10 Funny Store Signs

1.Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary, we hear you coming."

2.Outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."

3.On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."

4.In a veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay!"

5.At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."

6.On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."

7.In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."

8.Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

9.In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

10.In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.

Friday, December 5, 2014

The True Meaning of LOVE - A Touching Story

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. . . I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?" He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow.... " My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.." This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading. "When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.


You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails,and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. " My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. .... and as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread...... Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.
Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life... Love, not words win arguments...

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

For Heart Patients with Block Arteries

Are You Suffering from Heart Diseases?

Or have you been advised to undergo Angiography or Bypass?

Before you undergo Angiography or Bypass treatment, you must try with confidence this remedy.

Ingredients and how it is prepared which is as follows:
1 Cup Fresh Lemon Juice
1 Cup Fresh Ginger Juice
1 Cup Fresh Garlic Juice
1 Cup Apple Cider Vinegar
3 Cups Honey 

Mix all the juices & vinegar and boil very slowly for about half an hour until about 1 cup of contents evaporate and 3 cups remain.  After it cools down, mix properly with the 3 cups of honey. Fill contents in a clean Jar and take 3 teaspoons on an empty stomach every morning.

This is to open up the block arteries.













Monday, October 20, 2014

Some Thoughts

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like
expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.
Think about it.

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,
but what we are inside .. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world,
walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did
and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8. So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,jumping from a building, lying on train tracks,
but we chose Marriage, slow sure!

9. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

10. All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

11. Laziness is our biggest enemy
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi


12. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

Thursday, October 9, 2014

The Power of Sign Language

A construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. He spotted another worker on the ground floor and yelled down to him, but he couldn’t hear him.

So the worker on the 5th floor tried sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.

The man on the ground floor nodded his head, pulled down his pants, whipped out his **** and started masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor got so pissed off he ran down to the ground floor and said, “What the f**k is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”.

The other guy replied, “Yeah, I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that…. I’m Cumming!”

Thursday, September 25, 2014

23 Herbs that can help your HEART


all photos used from google image


Fresh Herbs
Fresh herbs make many other foods heart-healthy when they replace salt, fat, and cholesterol. These flavor powerhouses, along with nuts, berries — even coffee — form a global approach to heart-wise eating. Read on for 23 more delicious ways to fight heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes.
Fact: Rosemary, sage, oregano, and thyme contain antioxidants.

Black Beans
Mild, tender black beans are packed with heart-healthy nutrients including folate, antioxidants, magnesium for lowering blood pressure, and fiber — which helps control both cholesterol and blood sugar levels.
Tip: Canned black beans are quick additions to soups and salads. Rinse to remove extra sodium.

Red Wine and Resveratrol
If you drink alcohol, a little red wine may be a heart-healthy choice. Resveratrol and catechins, two antioxidants in red wine, may protect artery walls. Alcohol can also boost HDL, the good cholesterol.
Tip: Don't exceed one drink a day for women; one to two drinks for men – and talk to your doctor first. Alcohol may cause problems for people taking aspirin and other medications. Too much alcohol hurts the heart.


Salmon: Super Food
A top food for heart health, it's rich in the omega-3s EPA and DHA. Omega-3s lower risk of rhythm disorders, which can lead to sudden cardiac death. Salmon also lowers blood triglycerides and reduces inflammation. The American Heart Association recommends two servings of salmon or other oily fish a week.
Tip: Bake in foil with herbs and veggies. Toss extra cooked salmon in fish tacos and salads.


Tuna for Omega-3s
Tuna is a good source of heart-healthy omega-3s; it generally costs less than salmon. Albacore (white tuna) contains more omega-3s than other tuna varieties. Reel in these other sources of omega-3s, too: mackerel, herring, lake trout, sardines, and anchovies.
Tip: Grill tuna steak with dill and lemon; choose tuna packed in water, not oil.

Extra Virgin Olive Oil
This oil, made from the first press of olives, is especially rich in heart-healthy antioxidants called polyphenols, as well as healthy monounsaturated fats. When olive oil replaces saturated fat (like butter), it can help lower cholesterol levels. Polyphenols may protect blood vessels.
Tip: Use for salads, on cooked veggies, with bread. Look for cold-pressed and use within six months.


Walnuts
A small handful of walnuts (1.5 ounces) a day may lower your cholesterol and reduce inflammation in the arteries of the heart. Walnuts are packed with omega-3s, monounsaturated fats, and fiber. The benefits come when walnuts replace bad fats, like those in chips and cookies – and you don't increase your calorie count.
Tip: A handful has nearly 300 calories. Walnut oil has omega–3s, too; use in salad dressings.


Almonds
Slivered almonds go well with vegetables, fish, chicken, even desserts, and just a handful adds a good measure of heart health to your meals. They're chock full of vitamin E, plant sterols, fiber, and heart-healthy fats. Almonds may help lower LDL cholesterol and reduce the risk of diabetes.
Tip: Toast to enhance almonds' creamy, mild flavor.

Edamame
These green soybeans are moving beyond Japanese restaurants, where they're a tasty appetizer. They're packed with soy protein, which can lower blood triglyceride levels. A half cup of edamame also has 9 grams of cholesterol-lowering fiber — equal to four slices of whole-wheat bread.
Tip: Try frozen edamame, boil, and serve warm in the pod.

Tofu
Make soy protein the main attraction more often at dinnertime by cooking with tofu instead of red meat. You gain all the heart-healthy minerals, fiber, and polyunsaturated fats of soy — and you avoid a load of artery-clogging saturated fat.
Tip: Chop firm tofu, marinate, then grill or stir-fry, going easy on the oil. Add tofu to soups for protein with no added fat.


Sweet Potatoes
Sweet potatoes are a hearty, healthy substitute for white potatoes for people concerned about diabetes. With a low glycemic index, these spuds won't cause a quick spike in blood sugar. Ample fiber, vitamin A, and lycopene add to their heart-healthy profile.
Tip: Enhance their natural sweetness with cinnamon and lime juice, instead of sugary toppings.


Oranges
This sweet, juicy fruit contains the cholesterol-fighting fiber pectin — as well as potassium, which helps control blood pressure. A small study shows that OJ may improve blood vessel function and modestly lower blood pressure through the antioxidant hesperidin.
Tip: A medium orange averages 62 calories, with 3 grams of fiber.


Swiss Chard
The dark green, leafy vegetable is rich in potassium and magnesium, minerals that help control blood pressure. Fiber, vitamin A, and the antioxidants, lutein and zeaxanthin, add to the heart-healthy profile.
Tip: Serve with grilled meats or as a bed for fish. Saute with olive oil and garlic until wilted, season with herbs and pepper.

Carrots
The latest research on carrots shows these sweet, crunchy veggies may help control blood sugar levels and reduce the risk of developing diabetes. They're also a top cholesterol-fighting food, thanks to ample amounts of soluble fiber — the kind found in oats.
Tip: Sneak shredded carrots into spaghetti sauce and muffin batter.


Oatmeal
Oats in all forms can help your heart by lowering LDL, the bad cholesterol. A warm bowl of oatmeal fills you up for hours, fights snack attacks, and helps keep blood sugar levels stable over time — making it useful for people with diabetes, too.
Tip: Swap oats for one-third of the flour in pancakes, muffins, and baked goods. Use oats instead of bread crumbs in cooking.


Flaxseed
This shiny, honey-colored seed has three elements that are good for your heart: fiber, phytochemicals called lignans, and ALA, an omega-3 fatty acid found in plants. The body converts ALA to the more powerful omega-3s, EPA and DHA.
Tip: Grind flaxseed for the best nutrition. Add it to cereal, baked goods, yogurt, even mustard on a sandwich.


Low-Fat Yogurt
While low-fat dairy is most often touted for bone health, these foods can help control high blood pressure, too. Milk is high in calcium and potassium and yogurt has twice as much of these important minerals. To really boost the calcium and minimize the fat, choose low-fat or non-fat varieties.
Tip: Use milk instead of water in instant oatmeal, hot chocolate, and dried soups.


Foods Fortified With Sterols
Want the heart-healthy power of vegetables in your milk or on toast? Margarine, soy milk, or orange juice can deliver — when they're fortified with cholesterol-fighting sterols and stanols. These plant extracts block cholesterol absorption in the gut and can lower LDL levels by 10% without affecting good cholesterol.
Tip: Consume at least 2 grams of sterols a day.


Coffee
Coffee and tea may help protect your heart by warding off type 2 diabetes. Studies show that people who drink 3-4 cups a day may cut their risk by 25% — and even decaffeinated coffee works. Caution is due, however, for those who already have diabetes or hypertension; caffeine can complicate these conditions.
Tip: Choose black coffee or a non-fat latte to limit fat and calories.


Cayenne Chili Pepper
Shaking hot chili powder on food may help prevent a spike in insulin levels after meals. A small study in Australia showed that simply adding chili to a hamburger meal produced lower insulin levels in overweight volunteers.
Tip: Chili powder is a blend of five spices, while dried chili pepper comes from a single hot pepper. Both are good substitutes for salt in recipes.

Kosher Salt
This may be worth a try for people trying to control high blood pressure. It has half the sodium of table salt, thanks to its large crystals. You'll still need to measure carefully; a teaspoon of Kosher salt has 1,120 milligrams of sodium — not too far below the 1,500-milligram daily limit for people with hypertension.
Tip: Mix with your favorite herbs for a homemade, low-salt spice blend.


Cherries
Cherries are packed with anthocyanins, an antioxidant believed to help protect blood vessels. Cherries in any form provide these heart-healthy nutrients: the larger heart-shaped sweet cherries, the sour cherries used for baking, as well as dried cherries and cherry juice.
Tip: Sprinkle dried cherries into cereal, muffin batter, green salads and wild rice.


Blueberries
The list of healthy nutrients in blueberries is extensive: anthocyanins give them their deep blue color and support heart health. Blueberries also contain ellagic acid, beta-carotene, lutein, vitamin C, folate, magnesium, potassium, and fiber.
Tip: Add fresh or dried blueberries to cereal, pancakes, or yogurt. Puree a batch for a dessert sauce.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

The Dictionary


CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!


MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master


DIVORCE:
Future Tense
of Marriage


LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either


CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present


COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!


DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes
before marriage


CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on



ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before



CLASSIC:
A book
which people praise,
but never read



SMILE:
A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight!


OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life

YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth


ETC:
A sign
to make others believe
that you know
more than
you actually do



COMMITTEE:
Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together


EXPERIENCE:
The name
men give
to their
Mistakes


ATOM BOMB:
An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions


PHILOSOPHER:
A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead



DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip


OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river


OPTIMIST:
A person
who while falling
from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"


PESSIMIST:
A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY


MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!

FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature


CRIMINAL:
A guy
no different
from the other,
unless he gets caught


BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early


POLITICIAN:
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later


DOCTOR:
A person
who kills
your ills
by pills,
and kills you